Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Birthday Review & Advice Needed

Thank you everyone for my nice birthday wishes! I really appreciate how thoughtful all of you are! I spent the day by myself as hubby was at work, and youngest daughter was at school (6th grade) aqnd other daughter had clinicals (she's in nursing school). So I started my day by going to get a pedicure. This was my gift to myself. Ahhh, that was so relaxing! Don't my little toes look cute?!

After my pedicure I hit some of my favorite stores; TJ Maxx, Pier One, Kirklands, and some thrift stores. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, but did buy this cute zebra print top from TJ Maxx.
My oldest daughter gave me a survival kit for 42 year old. LOL! It contained St. Joseph Baby Aspirin (to prevent heart attacks), Bliss Chocolate, A christian book called,"Crazy Love", Almond Roca, and some facial moisturizer (to prevent wrinkles)
It was cute and I enjoyed coming home from shopping to indulge in some chocolate goodness!

My youngest daughter gave me a night gown (I had told her that I could use a new one) only was a maternity night gown. LOL! Not planning on any more babies! Oh well, she tried.

Hubby on the other hand didn't do so good! Remember my post about 1 week ago where I said I just want my loved ones to put some thought & effort into choosing a birthday present for me and not wait untill the last minute to hurry go the store and quickly pick something?? Well...that's what he did. Monday night he went to Sears to buy me a gift. Did he have any clue what he was going to buy?? NO! Was any thought put into it? NO! Much effort?? NO! So what did I get, you ask..........he gave me a top that was leopard print (ok, he gets some credit for knowing I like leopard) but it was for a Plus Size. Hmmmm, I wear a Medium. Guess he couldn't look in my closet to find the size. He then didn't take the time to even take the price tag off...he got it on clearance for $19. Why in the world would he ever decide to buy me clothes?? This man of mine has NEVER bought clothes for himeself or for me in his life. I was disappointed to say the least.

We then went to dinner and the drive was very quiet and I prayed the whole way for God to forgive me for being ungrateful. Dinner was going fine, then he said something in which I ended up in tears. Oh My...what a birthday!

When we went to bed he said, "I hope you had a great birthday." I said, "It was ok." He said my birthday snuck up on him. Well, let's birthday is ALWAYS on March 3rd and he has known that for 21 YEARS!! How did it sneek up on him??

I told him this morning that I would like him to return the top and then put some thought into what he would get me even if it took 1-2 weeks. I said, "I want something from your heart."

So....was I wrong for my reaction to his gift or would you have felt the same way?



tardevil said...

I have to tell you, my birthdays go much the same way. This one was one of my worst ever (43). My daughter and husband were at each other the entire night. I was in tears at the end of the night. So, I went shopping the next day (as shown in my post yesterday). My husband didn't get me anything but a card, like usual. It would probably kill him to make some effort. I feel for you, but know you're not alone. I just saw that exact jacket (I think) on a blog this week. A lady was wearing it, and ran into someone else in a bookstore w/ that exact same jacket on, so she took a picture & put it on your blog. Go shopping like I did to make up for it. :O) It might help you feel a little better. Mine usually does ask me what I want. Not that he could have one ounce of creativity and come up w/ something by himself.

Susan S. said...

Sorry your birthday wasn't so great but at least your girls came through. Very thoughtful gifts (even though the nightgown was maternity...I'm sure she didn't intend that).

From all your other posts your husband sounds like a doll. I think you handled it well. You could have sulked and pouted but instead you were a grown up about it and told him what you communicated and that's something I'm still learning how to do. We have to speak up for ourselves because generally men are pretty clueless. We have to TELL them (and usually more than one) or they just don't get it! Hugs to you and can't wait to hear how he redeems himself. :)

Anonymous said...

(((HUGS))) so sorry your day didn't turn out the greatest...but good for you for telling him what was on your mind.

My hubby was the baby in the family with 3 older he was used to being waited on hand, foot and finger. He does not get that from me, I love him dearly but I have always told him I am not your sister or your mother I am your wife :) So right from the get go we communicated.

We don't do birthday gifts just cards and out to dinner, so much easier that way.

We save our thoughts for Christmas/ Anniversary gifts.

Your toes look beautiful...

Stacey said...

Darlene, Happy Belated Birthday!

I think most of us have felt that birthday pain at one time or another. As moms and wives we just put so much into making sure everyone feels loved. They do take us for granted in that way.

Sometimes my husband amazes me with his gift giving. Last year I picked him up at the airport at 4:30 on June 25 when it was 100 degrees..this was my birthday. He informed me that we were going shopping. I was hot, tired, and mad. I said no! So for a week or two after that I bought everything I wanted till I got over it. I did feel guilty and the shopping didn't really make me feel better.

I think it's works best to just give them a catalog that's marked with what you like. That's what I do most of the time. It's not romantic but it works.

Anonymous said...

Just happened across your blog and read your birthday story!! Glad to know I'm not alone!! My hubby is the best,except when it comes to gifts! Just doesn't get it. I love your idea to "take it back and try again" It would help if they just put a little thought into what they are buying. You just gotta love em anyway and be grateful for daughters!!!

Best to you!!

Southern Savvy said...

I'm only been married for 6 years but I still haven't been able to train my Hubby on this one! I finally gave up this past year and gave him a list of things that I would never buy for myself but that I want. I told him to work off of that for my birthday and Christmas. It's worked so far but gifts from the heart mean a lot more! I'm anxious to see how the "go back and try again" goes. I might have to try that!

Inspired Kara said...

I would feel the exact same way. I went through this with Caleb once when all he got for me was a card and just signed his word. Caleb. I was disappointed.

This year, though, he was really thoughtful in his gift giving. I think if you just talk to the Husby about how it made you feel, and in a non defensive way, he'll understand!

Sher's Creative Expressions said...

Gee men!!! I think they are all the same. Let me tell you a story. . . I had a friend whose husband treated her like a queen. I used to soooo envy her. She would receive beautiful gifts, jewlery, tons and tons of jewelry and flowers all the time. I used to think she was so special. What happened??? Yes, her husband did indeed purchase those items for his wife ALONG WITH items for his girlfriend at the same time so wifey wouldn't question the charges!! She is now divored and is envious of me LOL!!

Men just don't get it. It's not in their DNA. Your husband sounds like such a great guy still. Just like mine. We, the moms, wife are the nuturers. That's the way our Lord made us. To be sensitive, giving, nuturing. Our guys, not so much. They are supposed to wear leather armour and work the fields. Stuff just doesn't bother them like it does us.

One time when my hubby did something, or I should say, didn't do something he should have again. . . I told him that I didn't think he was purposely thoughtless, rude and inconsiderate. He said, "Thank you!", I then finished my sentence with, "No, I think you are naturally rude and inconsiderate!" He agreed. It's just not born and bred in guys. He tells me to "tell" him when I need something because he's not a mind-reader.

So, in finishing. . . I AM already planning my 50th birthday celebration in October. I told him this week that I want to go to Las Vegas to see Cher and the Jersey Boys. He thinks this is great and will take care of the plans. See, we still need to "nudge" ever so gently.

Your husband is a good man. This stuff is just not natural for guys like it is us woman. He'll appreciate the "nudge!" TRUST ME!



Barb said...

Oh girl, men just don't understand sometimes. My husband is the best but not so great at shopping for gifts,so I pre-select things I want and tell him and then he can buy something I really want. One birthday he did suprise me and wrote me a letter and that was one of the best things ever.It's good you told him how you felt....Barb

Tina said...

I'm reading the book "crazy love" that you got in your kit. It'll put all the other stuff in perspective. It is for me.

Melissa Miller said...

Hi Darlene.
I completely understand. We really want our loved ones to put some thought and effort into gifts.
It means alot to us.
As women and caregivers it seems we know how to do this naturally.

I was really dissapointed by our recent Ten Year Anniversary gift.
Not from my husband but what his parents mailed us. I won't go into the details but let's just say I cried and was VERY dissapointed and hurt in the lack of thoughtfulness.
It was strange to say the least. I tried not to let it bother me but I love them and it did hurt me.

I hope he finds something very special and it's all forgotten. Your pedicure and Green sandles are precious. It sure looks like Spring is coming soon!

Have a wonderful day!
~Melissa :)

SILVIA said...

thanks for coming by my blog...
i'm so glad to know i'm not alone on this, my dh is so good but when it come to gift or ideas about anything he is just your sandals and pedi...thank you for posting this..silvia.. p/s love the music!

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